Response to comments, small update

Things are going amazingly well here.. Better than I expected, and honestly I don’t think I have ever been this happy in our marriage. It’s been quite awhile since the Husband has had a drink. He talks about it more openly now as well. He says it is not getting any easier, not to drink. But he isn’t doing it, so that says something. The kids are happier as well, although they weren’t aware of how bad it was. They knew something was wrong, they knew that daddy drank, and know they know it’s getting better, and that he doesn’t drink.

I know I was MIA for a while. Life got in the way, as well as I thought I’d take a break from writing here and get some perspective. I appreciate all the comments while I was gone. Even the one I am planning on writing about now.

I did not approve this comment. I usually approve almost all comments, good or bad, unless it is spam. However, this is one of those misogynist, rude, ignorant comments that I cannot approve. I will however, dissect it for him, even though he will probably enjoy the attention. This is the comment that I received. My remarks will be in bold.

If you women dont like the fact that your man drinks… Then WHY stay with him??? Let’s just stop you right here. What in the world makes you think that only men are alcoholics? What’s with the “you women” Did you not notice the men who have commented about their wives drinking problem? The men who are still married to those women? Or what about the links to Blogs about men who are married to alcoholic women?

Let me guess…

1. You can’t afford to live without HIS income.  Hmmm… Interesting assumption. Just an FYI. At this moment, I make exactly .50 cents less than my husband. By my next promotion, I will be making over a dollar more an hour than my husband. My income is enough to support myself and my children comfortably.

2. You are to co-dependant to stand on your own 2 feet. Again…what an interesting view. While I will not deny that many people dealing with an addict are co-dependant, there are a myriad of reasons why a person may stay with an alcoholic. Try reading this blog. I listed a lot of them.

3. You dont want to give up the “LIFESTYLE” you are use to.  Just full of assumptions, aren’t we? See my response to #1. I have very little debt. If I were to leave, I am just as happy living in an apartment or trailer. Based on my income alone, I could purchase a house on my own. I have my own vehicle. I pay for my own extras.

I hate, HATE it when people assume to know me and my situation well enough to create motives for me. Or for any person in a situation similar to mine. I have my reasons for acting as I have. I’ve posted many here. Some I have kept to myself. Others I am still realizing. However, monetary reasons don’t enter into it. At one point in time, I was placing money is a safe place so I would be able to afford to leave. Circumstances have changed and I would be able to support myself and my children in a similar fashion as now. Even when money was a large concern, if I had wanted to leave, I would have.  No matter what “lifestyle” I was leaving behind.

I can live without my husband. In fact, now that I see what life without him drinking is like, if he started drinking again, I would have less patience and  probably be less likely to deal with it. I can’t say for sure, as I have not been there, but I am not willing to go through another 11 years of it. I would leave.

For those who want to assign motives, question reasons or to try and “shock” a person dealing with an addict. It doesn’t work. It does piss people off though, if it’s a stranger saying these things, and hurt them if it is someone closer. Some is good intentioned, but the best thing you can do for someone dealing with an addict is listen without judgement. Be available for help if it is needed. But just be THERE for them.

If it’s a stranger, the best thing is to keep your remarks to yourself. Most of us who live with alcoholics KNOW the situation we are in. We are not idiots. We are not money grabbers. Don’t show your ass and presume to KNOW our motives. Being anonymous on the Internet doesn’t make you any less of a jerk.