Life married to an alcoholic

March 25, 2009

Drinking and tantrums

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , , , , , , — tiredwife @ 4:12 pm

On Sunday, the husband decided to drink. Why? Because he hasn’t “had a drink in a long time!” Oh  yes. SO long. Two. Whole. Weeks. Yes, I can certainly see it’s been FOREVER. Ironically, while he is drinking he is ranting about how liquor stores shouldn’t be open on Sundays. I’m sure it’s the liquor stores fault for him drinking. Oh, an he is SO glad that the bill to allow grocery stores and gas stations to sell beer and alcohol (beyond the 3.0 stuff) failed.

I divide my time between the internet, TV and books and struggle not to engage him in his rantings. He pokes and prods at me, decideds that I’m not playing his twisted “Lets fight, I’ll call you names and then I will cry while I tell you I love you and you’re too good for me” game and goes back to watching TV.

He starts feeling “frisky” and attempt to set the mood by drunkenly feeling me up. He then becomes pissed when I remind him that I dont put out when he has been drinking. This has been a long standing policy of mine. Sorry, Buddy. The smell of stale beer eminating from your body is not attractive. Nor is the smell of beer and frozen burritos on your breath. The thought of pretending to be into it while you drunkenly pant and paw me until you finish and pass out makes me ill.

Needless to say, while I don’t state the above to him, when I do say “No, I don’t want to have sex with you when you are drunk, it pisses him off. And then he begs a bit. Whines. Gets pissed again and has a little fit about me not “putting out”. Yeah, that convinces me. He then goes to bed to make a show of “not talking” to me. 

Oh please! no! Not the peace and quiet! Whatever shall I do?

When he gets up in the morning he pretends that nothing has happened and all is normal as usual.

I do have to say, I’m getting a little better at this disengaging thing. At least keeping my mouth shut.

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  1. Stay strong. I know exactly what you are going through. Everything you said reminded me of my past.

    Comment by Dina — March 26, 2009 @ 12:16 pm

  2. My ex-wife was, and I think still is, an alcoholic. I dealt with all your issues, and more, and stayed with her as long as I could (for the sake of our two children). I wasn’t quite sure from your description if your husband drank just at home, or went out to drink. My ex-wife did both, but when she went out drinking after work (for one or two drinks – so she said) she kept coming home later and later at night. Finally it was guys dropping her off at the house at 4 or 5 in the morning – that was the last straw. I wish you luck, but as the saying goes “leopards don’t usually change their spots”….

    Comment by Price Shearn — May 12, 2009 @ 6:55 pm

    • Ran across your comments, but several years after you left them. Sincerely hope your situation has changed or improved. Wishing you the very best….Price

      Comment by Price Shearn — December 10, 2011 @ 10:56 am

  3. i have read several of your blogs and I feel like i found someone who is in my exact same boat!! My husband doesn’t beat me,and he is a good father, but I married a man that I loved to talk WITH. Not a drunk! If you ever want to talk please email me.

    Comment by Georgiana Barham — June 11, 2009 @ 9:29 pm

  4. Hi came across ur blog while googling ‘happily married to an alcoholic’ to c if there r any people out there of that description, and apparently there r. Anyway, I soooooooooo relate to ur blog especially this years entries. I feel I am in the exactly same place u r and am on the verge of leaving my husband, who sounds much like ur’s. I am just very scarred to let go of the whole family thing. I also don’t have a lot of support at the moment as we live in the same town as his family and they r all big drinkers and wont understand and my mum loves my husband to bits even though I have tried to talk to her about my situation. I too have just started to attend al-anon and found it exactly as u described it, but I am giving it a go as I have nothing to lose. I am also getting counselling, to help me feel more confident in myself to leave him, which is what i really want to do but cant as yet. All the best to both of us.

    Comment by Rose — July 8, 2009 @ 6:59 am

  5. It’s been a long-standing unspoken stance that I won’t let him touch me when he’s drunk, either.

    This past weekend he decided on a trip with some friends that groping me every two seconds was acceptable because we are in love, or something like that.

    He got angry when I pushed him away for the 200th time, and commenced arguments for 2+ hours.

    You’re not alone. The disengaging thing is pretty difficult, but it makes for less stress in the long run if we just ignore them. Sigh.
    Thank you for sharing.

    Comment by purgingthesoul — July 29, 2009 @ 11:19 am

  6. Have a look at my blog, I am the wife of an alcoholic and I am getting out. I left him 6 months ago and the healing is just starting. My blog is my way of understanding what has happened in my life for the past 10 years.

    Comment by jellytottot — September 28, 2009 @ 6:36 am

  7. wow, I knew I wasnt the only one out there for sure, but yours was the very first one I’ve ever read or enquired about and it hit home, but I have it alot worse. Its like dont say anything to set him off, but then does it really matter cause he gets set off anyway. He isnt physically abusive but when he wants the mental abuse is so bad I could walk away and never look back. Why I havent well thats a whole new subject. Good luck, I now will read some other stories. Thanks for yours it will help.

    Comment by Dee — November 9, 2009 @ 1:06 am

  8. so helpful to read this. my husband is an engineer for railroad 0f all jobs-everyone at work knows hes a drunk but they ecnore it because hes a great guy n engineer. this past binge has lasted 3 days-last one was 6-this time he blamed me for not depositing 10 dollars in bank-because he overwrote a his excuse buy more beer. he says hes sick n tired all the time-ah dah tired people dont wabble when they walk or slur. he pukes in our driveway-sits in his truck with it on for hours drinking-its so emabarressing. he wants sex when hes drunk and calls me many names and says im being a bi… when i ecnore him its all my fault-im only here for the food-wich he hides in his room or dictates what we should eat – he thinks hes sexy and cute-wich he used to be but all i see now is a bottle of beer when i look at him. im leaving-my house the money and my cats-ill go out the door with 2 boxes of clothes n my photos-i cant stand it anymore-9 yrs is way to long-im not stupid im not selfish , he is-im outa here-busted broke may live in a box but at least i wont be called names anymore

    Comment by kelley — December 13, 2009 @ 1:58 pm

  9. I am reading your blog and noticed that you have not written in a very long time, I am sorry that your situation is so difficult, you see I too live with a drinker that reminds me much of your spouse. It is good for me to see it from another perspective, and I too have no intention of leaving him, however, I do believe that he is trying to make me leave so he can just do what ever it is he wants to do. I relate to your situation and would love nothing more than to write if you are interested. My email is if you are interested…

    Comment by Tracy Anderson — December 21, 2009 @ 11:46 pm

  10. This is my life. How do I make it stop? I have small children. Ugh

    Comment by RJM — December 23, 2009 @ 12:44 pm

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